For Every Boy I've Ever Loved
by HopelesslyStupidlyErrantly
Summary: Collection of poems or musings based on Characters' relationships. Open to interpretation, so I will not name my characters.
1. Chapter 1

**_On Meeting Him _**

* * *

I still remember that first day I met him.

Not saw him, or noticed him. No, the first time I met him.

We were both exiled for the confines of the classroom,

Me and you and Him.

I sat sandwiched between strangers,

Conversation still and frozen, stuck in the air.

Then you,

With your voice smooth and flowing broke the cold casing,

Shattering it into a million small pieces.

As your eyes lit up and illuminated the room,

I felt my awkwardness ebb away,

And float silently into the air,

leaving me open and bare.

Words were scrawled on the flat of your hand,

Hoping you wouldn't forget,

That fading tattoo of my feelings

As you walked away that day leaving me reeling,

In the strange sensations of my maimed heart,

I sat and wondered,

Who exactly you were.


	2. Chapter 2

_**His Eyes**_

* * *

Your piercing blue eyes

Just as the sky above

were clear and bright

Igniting a burning in my chest

.

Your piercing blue eyes

Just as the sky above

were sunny and warm

Making my tender heart ache

.

Your piercing blue eyes

Just as the sky above

were clouded and grey

Twisting your dagger into my chest

.

Your piercing blue eyes

Just as the sky above

were cold and distant

Slowly pouring concrete into my heart

.

Your piercing blue eyes

Just as the sky above

were dark and empty.


	3. Chapter 3

_**What is Love?**_

* * *

Love is in fact nothing but a state of obsession, you become infatuated with someone. In love. At that point you become nothing but a slave to that persons every whim and desire. Love is insanity. Madness.

.

Love is the heartbreak and pain. Love is the loss of humour. That's what they don't tell you, that's not what they want you to know. Love is nothing but the breakdown of who you are into someone you think that person wants.

.

Suddenly you are not pretty enough, so wear nicer clothes and more make-up. You are not skinny enough, so you stop eating. You are not funny or interesting, so you spend hours looking at things they like. All so you become more **_appealing_****. **

_._

_Appealing, _just like you are an object on a shelf that you want desperately for them to buy. They pick you up and you feel like you are floating on air. They look at you with that look, you know the one, and suddenly your heart stops beating. They smile and hold you, and you fall.

.

Then they decide they don't want you and their clumsy hands drop you, and you just keep falling. Only they're not there to catch you. Then you break.

.

And as you're broken and shattered on the floor you begin to pick up the pieces, only to realise that you've lost yourself to him. And he doesn't want you. He wanted _her and her and her_, but not **you**.

.

When you look into that mirror after you've lost all hope, and you realise that the shattered pieces of a stranger are all that is looking back at you. That they're all you have left.

You learn to wonder; What's so great about falling in love?


	4. Chapter 4

_**What I like about you**_

* * *

**I liked, **the way his hair swooped

and dropped and swayed

falling over his eyes

.

**I liked, **the way he talked

with his voice silky and flowing

a hint of a laugh forever in his throat

.

**I liked, **the way his strong arms

wrapped around me

making me feel warm and safe and fuzzy

.

**I liked, **the way he walked

with confidence and silent grace

towards my waiting figure

.

**I liked, **the way he smiled

and grinned and showed me

with excitement the way the music led him

.

**I liked, **the way he whispered

his secret thoughts and trusted my worth

holding me closer to his heart

.

**I liked, **the way he was

before ashes turned to ashes

and my heart to dust


	5. Chapter 5

_**The Saddest Part of Departure**_

* * *

The saddest part of our departure, had to be the ease with which you left.

.

One last message. Those final three letters, with which you left me. The saddest part was that you had nothing to say. No heartfelt apology, no last kiss, no closure.

.

After two years, you were simply gone. Yet I feel you all around me, in this permanent state of hell. I cannot shake you, yet I cannot have you. This limbo that is slowly breaking down the very essence of who I am.

.

I want to be fine, to not care. Yet somehow I feel like you will always be a part of my heart. That's the hardest part, knowing that if you were here I would fall back into your arms without hesitation. To always belong to you is my greatest failure.


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N Feel free to guess who the characters are, also please read and review :D_

_**On Perfect Blonde Hair and Pretty Blue Eyes**_

* * *

Everyday I fall further away from you,

when once I thought I would always love you

.

Your blonde hair and blue eyes no longer haunt my sleep,

I feel like I am finally free

.

I can see your faults now, clearly and strongly

I have taken you off that pedestal

.

I'm no longer that lost and confused schoolgirl,

I can finally hold someone else's love

.

I have clear eyes and a bright future ahead,

Now I hope you'll be happy too

.

Once I loved you,

But now I'm free

.

And finally I have found my place in the world,

free from your perfect blonde hair,

and those gorgeous blue eyes.


	7. Chapter 7

**Not Moving On **

* * *

Today I can finally say I've moved on from you, Lost that iron grip with which you confined me with, trapped me. But now I'm free and that taste of freedom which is so fresh and sweet on my tongue and skin is the sweetest nectar of my youth, my happiness and the bright promise of my future.

.

I'm now loaded with the promise of what will come and rid of the pain of what has been before. However in this process I realise, I have lost myself. I am no longer me; I'm better, taller and stronger than before.

.

You wouldn't recognise me now, no, I swear. You wouldn't, and you won't. I'm different than before, and you are nothing but a fleeting piece of my past, a piece I must now let go, release, give up.

.

I hope I can see you again, just so I can ask how you've been and you an see how well I am now. Much better. Happy. I hope that with that I can make you feel regret like I felt it. Oh, and that pain. That unbearable pain and stabbing in your heart, I want you to feel that too. Maybe, I can have the upper-hand for once.

.

Wait, no... I'm over you, I don't care. Do what you want. I've moved on. Jerk.


	8. Chapter 8

The End of Our Story

* * *

My eyes searched for you,

Restlessly

My soul was bound to yours,

Hopefully

My heart fell for you,

Aimlessly

* * *

And now my dear,

Hopefully,

I move on from you


End file.
